Water Meets Wine

It been a long time since I’ve posted. Tis the season to be busy. Lately, I’ve found myself in  a time of unprecedented change, and yet droning sameness. I have embraced some changes in my life that have required me to stop numbing myself, escaping reality, and running. When I stood my ground, what slammed into my back was a pack of unexpectedly powerful emotions. And wow, they can be uncomfortable. I had no idea that I felt so deeply, and that so many of my emotions were so uncomfortable. One of those forceful characters was fear. Although I wrote this a long time ago, here’s what I hear again, freshly today…

“There is never anything of which you need be afraid. The only thing fear guards you against is the Life, health and joy that might issue forth from stepping into the fire with Me. Harbored fear spells “no confidence in Me”. Bravely arm yourself with the TRUTH that all is tamed by My hand and for My glory. Have you not noticed the remarkable way that you’re able to stand in the midst of the terrible storm’s teeth but no mark seems to be made on you? Have you not stepped in with my servants Shadrach, Meschach and Abednego whose wait for My glory seemed like eternity. I was manifted in the fiery place. I was met there by each of them. “Look, a fourth man among the flames!” Let that be said of each of your fears each morning. “Look a fourth man! A man unnamed and like a son of the gods, present to each of my trials, intervening at the eleventh hour, pardoning my crimes, distancing my foes, overcoming my weakness. He is a tent of covering around us, over us” When you allow fear’s fingers to weave themselves around your soul, you tear back My covering and the cold wind blows in, bristling you, berating, demoralizing, disorienting and stealing. But if you will hold fast the confesson of your faith, recognize that you have been disoriented for a time and place your hand in Mine, then I will lead you out, blind and naked though you may be. Refuse to parley with idle dreams of how the scene might play out, then your shelter will stand, surprisingly snug, warm, and secure. No whipping wind or icy daggers will be able to pierce you there…if you stay inside Me. You’ve heard rumors that there is peace that passes all natural wonder, and so there is truly. Protect yourself in this comforting glory. Wrap yourself in it, luxuriously, extravagantly, defensively as though it were armor- for truly it is. Do not try to guard yourself by looking outside into the wilderness, the fear will only continue to belittle you…but you are a Queen, my Bride. Look to your Defense instead. Expose to Me everything, no matter how petty it feels: every fear, every pride, every delight, every seething anger, all the things over which you’d like conquest. When your small boat feels tossed beyond hope by stormy seas, cry for Me instantly! I will bring peace to the waves in your heart with the touch of My feet. Where I step in, there are calm pools. The longer you hide or wait, the longer your comfort is delayed. Often waves of fog roll in over the water and My face is obscured. You must never seek to supplant the thick film of fear in the air by yourself, it will only grow thicker. Only the Truth can strike the cloud and cause it to retreat. Invite me in and I will lift the veil, though it is very heavy. No weight of striving force will do that. It is My delight to remove the obstructions between us. Remember, with Me there is peace. Do not be afraid, it is I. Remember that in the time of terror, to my disciples even I appeared to be a terrifying ghost. But upon calling out to Me, My children saw that it was comfort, not death that was approaching on supernatural feet. As the waters grow choppy and the fog coats your eyes, do not doubt I AM coming and you must call for Me quickly.

Today I hear,

“Worship Me in the risks you’ve undertaken. Where there is no investment, no casting your lot in with Me with finality, there is no passion! No victory! No joy. Place all your victories and glories, even your defeats before Me and they will be consumed on the altar as sweet perfumed incense. It is glory to see a man truly alive, freely risking earthly treasure to join Me in my character. It takes vision, a wide stance of security, an able body willing to go through struggle. It takes purity and pain, passion wrung out to pure fruitfulness. Passion is a catapult. Without precipitated action it is worthless. I came to bring life and it more abundantly. So, I choose to use you to help usher in the fullness of My abundant wealth of truth, liberty, Life, passion and hope. Go forth with strength. Expect great fruit. Oh, that you would mask and mute the voices that urge you to shrink back from the platform. In rage, cry, “I can can and will go forward! I will touch the hem of His garment and be blessed. I will wrestle the angel and win in triumph. I will persevere until I taste victory or defeat if need be, but I will carry the torch, bear the burden, run the race to its finish. Till it’s complete, I will not be deterred or daunted, driven from the course by the stakes being too high for me to handle. I will dry my eyes on His shoulder. He will make sure I do not bear the sorrow alone.I will conquer because He is faithful.”
Victory is coming, My clean, bright, assured Daughter and Son! There is no death or defeat- only victory to be won in heavenly places if you will but hold fast he confession of your faith. No matter how earth’s face appears to you, you must hang on in order to triumph and have the victory in hidden places. To the one who endures, I wil give the robe of blessing or the crown of honor. You look like my Son when you reach for the prize beyond the light and momentary troubles. Each one is not worth a dime compared to the glory that waits in the coming kingdom. In the golden streets and sweet air of Home. Take it. Reach out and take the hidden fruit. The hidden manna promised to all who overcome. There is no time left for striving, for waiting, for speaking about idle worries. They are smoke: dusty, penniless, unworthy things. Spend your money, your soul, your heart, your suffering for what is good and lifts your heart. Idle striving does you no favors. It steals from your glory and joy. Take your story and wage war against evil within it. Gain true wealth. Do no hoard,steal, or carouse with pleasure. We don’t have time to waste on that.”

So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Ephesians 5:15-16

I note in myself a desperate struggle to keep all around me smooth and unfractured. I’m aware that the effort comes not from love, but from a fear of being alone (being left), and in that awareness, I hear,

“All that approval you need and seek in others’ minds, opinions, and hearts is found in Me. It is found right here where your heart is cherished and known. No one else receives the gifts you pour out in blessing like Me. No one feels the full measure of your pain or what you shoulder. I bear each burden RIGHT BESIDE YOU. Rest assured that there is no shame in carrying your woes, thoughts, alarm, burdens, askings, and strivings to Me. Worry not about what I must surely think of you.  To which of your children would you give a stone if he needed bread? I know you need rest from your worry and strife. Run away with Me. Face Me. Bundle yourself up in Me and run away to hide from all that fights against your freedom and joy. I am the safest place to be. Train your eyes to search for Me on the horizon every time you feel ashamed, in need of approval, a constant companion, or a gentle fellow Carrier of your load. I am the Great Burden Bearer.”

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest” Mt 11:28

In this Lenten season in which we join in the suffering of Christ, remembering what He chose to lay down freely, this is what I hear…

“Have you lost something you cherished? Know this, the thing that was “taken” from you was a part of your camp for awhile, something you named as “mine”. But it wasn’t there to last. It may appear that you have lost something very precious: a possession, a relationship, a place, a life, a status or position, a dream or a joy. You feel that an irreplaceable connection has been severed and that the lost thing or the feeling that you got from it can never be regained. That may be true in this life. But have faith that I keep everything you give away to Me. Every lost thing that you chose to bring to Me in sorrow, placing it on my lap like a burnt offering, doesn’t pass away, it turns into the purest most shining gold in heaven. There is no waste in such a “loss”. Just as I said “No man takes My life from Me, I lay it down”, so you too must freely rise to the dark occasion and join Me in the Light of bravery. Share My kind of loss. Share My Son’s suffering. Loss with trust. Loss mixed with love. Loss mixed with hope and humble obedience. You will fill up in your bodies the sufferings of Jesus. I prophesied it before the beginning. Listen, daughter. Listen son, each time you find your hands empty and your heart aching and groaning, do not allow Satan to take you down to the quicksand pits of stress, anxiety, regret, anger, strife, revenge, self pity and sorrow. People die down there. Instead, say, “You cannot take my life from me, I [trusting My Daddy] lay it down freely of my own accord” Darling love, nothing you have can ever be truly lost if you chose to give it into My hand, trusting in My sovereign way.”

1 Tim 1:12 For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day.

In the mix of today, I hear,

“Put everything you’re struggling to say no to (or yes to) in My hands. You don’t have to put it down or give it away. Give it to Me as a gift instead. This makes it easier. You lust after something that you could grasp right now, but know is not what I ask. Bless Me and place it in My humble hands as a gift. It is the finest treasure I’ll ever hold: your hard-won offering. That is the gift of greatest price. Don’t release anything into nothingness- that’s a gift offering wasted. Bring all your time, treasures, wants, lusts, selfish ambitions, ideas, problems, anxieties, strivings, greed. Each of these things, is fuel for an offering far more precious than the bulls or goats of old. It blesses My very heart. It blesses your almighty God’s heart when you take that seemingly precious thing and refuse to coddle it, keep it, or slay it on your own, but instead give it with love to Me. When you do this, it is like a burnt offering from Aaron’s sons, lovely, fragrant, and the most beautiful warmth to My heart. See your struggles, indeed all petty things, as the fuel of your most precious offerings. Don’t give them up, give them over. This indicates such trust in Me and that is why the blessing comes…because you believe in Me! The difference lies in this: when you give something up, when you choose just to strong arm it and say no, what little you do is done in your human power. You experience no awe, and we are drawn no nearer. When you admit your desire for the fallen thing and sacrifice it into My hands, it is then disposed of in My power. I own it and am able to destroy it for you, in My own power and knowing. When you give these gifts to Me, it becomes an act of love, not grating self denial. It is easier to give something precious to a loved one than to throw it away. Never despise the opportunity to express your love to Me.”

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 1 Cor 10:13 NIV

“I will not offer to the Lord burnt offerings that cost me nothing” 2 Sam 24:24

I know that your battle feels unseen, and that it feels like your choices don’t affect much. And I know that “self denial” costs much. But I would like you to clutch tightly to a precious truth: nothing that you give up for Me is gone…nothing…not desire, opportunity, possessions, relationships, or even time. Each and every time you choose to turn away from something that strives to control you or unseat you from your place in the flat of My hand (be it fleshly desire, treasure, habit or lust, thirst for human power, stature, or security), you do not lose something. You gain in it unseen places. Nothing can be withdrawn here without being deposited somewhere else. You depend on sight to assess your gains and losses. But when you strive to give up earth’s entanglements- when you rob sin’s coffers and storehouses in your own spirit, a mighty abundance of wealth grows in unseen places. In the darkness where you cannot yet go, it lies hidden- your treasure-stored up and kept. And I will keep it waiting there for you. It’s so important for you to think of these hard moments of obedience not as giving something up but as investing. Nothing shall be removed from you. Only added in much more significant proportion! You must believe and not doubt the truth. Even your deep sorrows and losses, I can make grow in another land. Everything, every single thing, may be turned to gold somehow in hidden places. I have pleasures for you to hold and cherish and take with you forever, each day, and on the road to come. Believe Me that when you see Me face to face, you will not regret a solitary ounce of what you spent on My behalf. For what you gave out, you will see restored to you in even greater proportion, shaken, pressed down, running over.

Bless me and keep close watch on your company. Do they want you to be rich in this life- spent with gold and worthless lusts? Do they worship at your throne if you give them what they want? If you bow to their pleasure, do they stroke you with kind words of honor and feigned respect? Don’t be crushed under their yoke! You were made for a light and easy burden, and that means unloading your treasures of this land in favor of rich stores of inheritance in the next. Plant your feet firmly, look Me square in My face, and dream about where your treasure may lie.

Every stake you have planted here, saying to yourself and your sin, “I shall stop here and go no further” becomes a chariot of joy and fervent desire in heaven. Oh if you could see all the stakes you’ve planted, turned to a blaze of fiery beauty and glory, the flesh would be no match this opposition. The sight of the truth, of what your wars have won, would blind you and strike you speechless like Saul. You would be forever transformed, and your body’s cravings would not hold the power that they do now. Place your cherished treasures where you wish to grow rich- in unseen places. No risk is too great. And nothing you risk to send to My land can ever be burned with fire. None of the great investments you make by turning aside from your sin, cowardice, human wisdom, and pride in others’ opinions will ever be destroyed, tarnished, or crushed. You will lay them at My feet like the dowry of a beautiful bride. Your hard won offering slays My heart. I have never had defenses against you, but I want you to know that the offerings of obedience you bring me are as precious as those offered by Aaron himself. Your costly gift delights Me more deeply than all Solomon’s wealth and wisdom combined. Sometimes your small “unseen” obediences are like the widow’s mites- an example for all who see, and a way for Me to teach those around you. You have no idea how much I cherish you and the things you do. If you are quiet within your soul, you will notice at the end of a particularly hard battle, you will sometimes feel My smile over you. I smile over that which even seems like loss from your perspective. I receive everything you offer as a beautiful stone, taking it reverently from your outstretched hand. What little pebbles you turn away from on earth become stones of great nobility and praise that cry out in heaven. They sing to Me. Do you hear what I’m saying? The stones of remembrance that mark your offering sing to Me for all eternity. Do you think your struggles here don’t matter? Do you think your offerings of obedience aren’t seen? Oh bless you, you must know My Name: the God who sees. The God who remembers, He who knows all things, He who never forgets. The Lord: that is My Name and I will not give My glory to another. You are giving credit to My name each time you believe Me and My promise enough to turn away from “the bird in the hand” that is earth’s lust…it becomes far more than two in the “bushes” of heaven. It becomes a burnt offering that brings tears and shouts of joy to My eyes and mind. I love you. Trust, trust, trust, and risk denial of self, knowing that there is nothing you can really ever lose. Faith is of the utmost value: faith, being certain of what you do not see. Blessings to you who are sowing seed in a land unseen. I cherish you each.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. Store up for yourselves treasures in heaven where moths and rust do not destroy and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” Mt 6:19-20

You may remember that a few weeks ago I wrote a confession in which I embarked on an aggressive campaign of change, holding resolutely to the promise that God would quickly route my enemies if I would just stand firm. As He promised in Psalm 82, I’ve been surprised how quickly His hands have been on my Enemy. But I must tell you that with all my focus on “militant warfare mode”, I have never been more aware that my behavior modification does not clean up the mess of my heart. My obsessing mind, my wandering thoughts, and the inclinations of my pride are still popping up like the gorilla faces in that “bop-it” game at Chuck E Cheese (which in my day was the far superior Showbiz Pizza!) As I focus on being on the defensive, I hear the Lord saying (sometimes shouting) a few things to me. Here’s what I hear today…

“Clean and dirty. Hardly has a concept ever been so misthought, or so much a fountain of pride, comparison, hopelessness, destruction, and oppression. Man’s version of “clean” looks so external, so full of appearances and assessments. That way of assessing holiness is exhausting, bringing shame instead of life, and crushing the soul beneath its weight. “You pharisees wash only the outside of the cup. But inside you are full of lies….” You endlessly scour the outside for visions of holiness or failure and death, but you fail to hear My life-giving words in your heart. You guard the wrong storehouse as the thief robs you blind. Cleansing the outside of your life will not work, but that is what you in your human nature have tried to do. I know it’s your best. You believe and hear, and you nobly try to pass each test by changing actions, but what about the rest? What about your unconscious slaving? What about your unthinking service to dumb idols who cannot lift a hand? Do you not see that your actions and even your thoughts have roots elsewhere? And tell Me who or what will cleanse you from your heart’s intent to rob Me as you take what is Mine and say you made it? There are tears of joy when even one sinner repents over this matter. It is so fundamental to man to try to name things as “mine”, to see gifts as “the work of my hands”. That is why you are often obsessed with your own behavior: you want to be named righteous, clean, good, holy of your own merit. You want credit. Your pride steals to your shame. It robs My Son of His glory and throne in your life. Open your eyes a ways. You cannot take what is Mine, name it as yours, and be called clean, blameless. My worst enemies are those who do things for their own names and in their own strength, but claim to have My name and My approval or power to bless it. When you claim to be clean in your strength, you can claim the credit. But when I cleanse what is far below the reach of your behavior and willpower, all know Who healed. Don’t despise your need! It is an opportunity for My power on display! I clean to the division of soul and spirit, joints and marrow. I clean even the motives that sweep you away unseeing. Rest assured, when My name comes in contact with dirt, none of it shall remain. Can oil and water, life and death, death and health mix? Where My Name comes truly there is a powerful cleaning that comes in it. Not with religious names, duties, behaviors or ordinances, but with very real power and grace. It is a cleaning that causes the inward parts to be made known and whole, freed, and enlivened. My cleaning is one that cannot be undone, as I powerfully but gently scrub away years of caked dirt and stains of sin, removing barriers to grace and relief in your heart, and softening your resistance to what seems like My high price. There is nothing My love and My Champion’s blood may not clean out. That was the prize of Christ’s cross. No man may ever be so seared that his heart cannot be cleansed. You need not hide your need of cleaning. Do you have a wounded heart in need of healing? Come! Do you feel the weight of your sin? Rest in Me! Do you fear? Let me clean the stain of unbelief in your worth to Me. Do you fret about the years, days and hours? Let Me cleanse the rubble that falls in your soul, crushing you. Your lenses of clean and dirty need to be cleansed themselves. It’s easy to throw a stone at another whose devotion doesn’t compare easily to yours. It’s easy when your values are misaligned with someone else’s to feel clean in yourself and to call them dirty. Don’t let it be so, first take the mote out of your own eye. Bring Me your whole heart and soul. No man who knows he’s been cleansed by gracious washing can throw a stone. After all, who sees what needs to be cleaned? Your eyes or the eyes of My Son? Swing wide the gate and do not judge with haste what I have made new and certain inside. Beware hate, do not criticize. Let Me be your judge. I will restore all Life’s victories.”

This post is a little different, but I felt that the Lord asked me to write this instead of the usual. At the risk of this being one of those awkward confessions that blows your hair back, I need to share with you what the Lord is whispering to my heart these days. He asks us to confess our sins to one another in order that we may be healed. And I believe that much good comes from dragging the things hidden in the dark into the Light. So here we go. The truth is that I’m host to an issue that has plagued me for many years. It’s a problem that many women deal with, though they may be silenced by shame. It may or may not come as a surprise to you to that for the last 13 years, I’ve battled an eating disorder. The Lord has dealt it some powerful blows, and knocked off many of its great coiling limbs as the years have gone by. I’m thankful that I’m not in nearly the same place I used to be. I’ve prayed fervently over the years that the Lord would do His part, that He would beat back the aggressors who steal so much from me. And to be sure, much of the problem had its roots in spiritual places. As just as He said He would, the Lord put on His armor and “tread the winepress of His wrath” against my enemies. I’ve stood amazed as I watched piece after piece of one of the most bothersome enemies of my soul fly away, on the edge of the Lord’s blade. Yet, for all those layers of deliverance, the stone around my neck is still here to large degree. The snare still calls to me from its places of hiding along the way. It still trips my feet. And sometimes it doesn’t need to call or reach out and grab me, all it has to do is look at me wrong and I’ll run right over there. I’ve been through seasons of confidence and seasons of shame…but always it’s stayed perched close by. “Enough of this!”, I’ve cried over and over again through the years. And with absolute incredulity, I’ve marvelled at the fact that I haven’t yet cut its cord. I’ve wondered why the Lord hasn’t freed me completely. But, I’m coming to recognize that often deliverance comes in pieces to us, all in its proper timing, layer upon layer, thought upon thought, act upon act. When Jesus healed the blind man, He placed his hands on the man’s eyes and they were opened, but the people he saw looked like trees walking around. Jesus placed his hands on the man’s eyes again, and this time his sight was perfect. Healing comes often in stages. And I’m realizing that each stage is different. Each piece that has to be dispatched calls for a different method of healing…or killing…whichever way you want to think about it.
Some parts of this battle were the Commander’s to fight. Some are mine. He has revealed to me that as I’ve prayed and pleaded (as have others on my behalf) He has done what I asked. But I have not done what He asked. He has held up His end, but I have not held mine. When the Israelites crossed the Jordan, Joshua was asked to wade out into the water before the river would pile up in a heap. He was promised that God would be with Him just as He had been with Moses, and that everywhere he put his feet, he would be on land that God had given him. He had a promise of God’s help and deliverance, but he also had a very real part to play. The Lord asked of him some mighty faith when he stuck his toes first in those cold, swirling waters. Again and again, this would be the case as the Lord fulfilled the covenant He made with Abraham. The Lord was the true warrior, but the Israelites were still asked to march into battle with foes many times their size and number. Each time there was just a promise, and a really scary divine request for faith. The Lord would fight for them, but He wanted them to run onto the battlefield screaming and swinging too. You and I both know that people often don’t really appreciate the things they get for free: they have no investment, and therefore the thing they’ve gotten has no value. Imagine what would have happened if the Lord had wiped out the Canaanites, Hittites, Perrizites, Jebusites, and all the other Ites before Israel ever laid eyes on them. Would they have appreciated the beautiful land that they inherited? (Well, to be honest, whether or not they really reverenced the gift anyway is debatable) The same is true for you or me. He promises to slay the wicked Offenders that come against our souls, but we still are asked to offer something active: a sacrifice of faith…to hold our ground in the face of fear, temptation, guilt, shame, dsigust, disappointment, horror. We are asked to plant our feet trembling in the confidence that our God will save the day. The Lord sometimes sweeps the path before us, leveling our road and giving us a triumphant entry. At other times, He stands us on the edge of the field in the midst of the confusion, sweat, blood, groaning, and seeming danger, and then asks us to run into the middle of it. The end seems very much in question in times like that…so does our safety, our odds of success, our reason for being there in the first place, and the faithfulness of our God. All can seem bleak, weak, and bewildering.
The Israelites cleared the promised land of enemies in stages. The whole thing wasn’t taken at once. I have to remember that. Take one battle today. Fight today, and leave tomorrow be. The problem for Isreal came when they got cozy and decided to let some of the enemys stay. The Lord warned them about the cost to their hearts and the hearts of their generations. But they didn’t listen. May I be honest at this moment and say that I have done the same? This has been my error. In my weariness (and laziness at times), I’ve just let ‘em make camp….just a little here and there. I’ve made my issues cozy, and I’ve declared my own defeat because I’ve grown weary of trying. I haven’t militantly gone to war, daily waking up, and arming myself to live in a world where the road that leads to Life is hard, the way is narrow and fewever even find it. If I want to triumph, I’m going to have to fight against a roaring Lion, a fierce sleepiness of soul, a strong undertow, and the deceitfulness of my own heart….even when I’m tired. Friend, there is a battle all around, a battle for your time, your mind, your children, your efficacy, your potency, your integrity, the tenderness of your heart, the health of your relationships. And if we are going to be the people “who overcome” that Revelation speaks about, we must be people who go to war and stand our ground. The Lord has been reminding me lately hat I must rise each day in militant war mode (that’s what I’m calling it). I have to be on the defensive, just as Paul described in Ephesians 6, standing my ground, wearing my armor, holding fast to faith, praying at all times in the Spirit.
Listen to this beautiful promise. This is Psalm 81:13-16

Oh, that my people would listen to me!
Oh, that Israel would follow me, walking in my paths!
How quickly I would then subdue their enemies!
How soon my hands would be upon their foes!
Those who hate the Lord would cringe before him;
they would be doomed forever.
But I would feed you with the finest wheat.
I would satisfy you with wild honey from the rock.”

Those words pierced my soul. The Lord has been aching to deliver me, but I have not wanted to endure the pain of standing my ground and fighting. It takes energy, hope, and courage, and sometimes I just get tired. The Lord stands waiting for me to rise. He will destroy my enemies, if I will only hold my ground and stay on His path. If I will “stand firm”, resisting the devil and all the other forces of destruction that come to hinder my “running the race”, then He will route my enemies in a way I could never have done. My “fighting” is no longer in my own strength or willpower. It comes in staying on the defensive (keeping alert as Paul said) and turning all invading thoughts and impulses over to the Commander for His dealing with them. He promises that He will. And He promises that I’ll be shocked at how soon He’ll subdue my enemies…if I’ll just stand.

But Moses told the people, “Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch the LORD rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again” Exodus 14:13

I have found myself to be one prone to resignation, to an easy defeat at times because I abandon hope. I have no problem hoping for others…but on my turf it’s a different story. Into that melange of faithlessness, comes the following Word,

“Ask and it shall be given, seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, everyone who seeks finds, and for the one who knocks, the door shall be opened. I tell you the certain truth, a man withers and dies if he does not persist in asking, seeking, knocking, and worshipping what he beholds there. The process of asking, searching, and beseeching humbles you; it sets you on your childlike feet in My presence. You being a small, finite, needy being. I, being the Fount of all that your heart desires and so deeply needs: the Father; the Healer; the Lord of Heaven’s Hosts; The Sovereign King over all gods and addictions, difficulties or adversity; the Architect; the Master; the Lover; The Mover. As you realize that I alone have what you need, you ask, seek, and knock before Me face, entreating Me, reaching for Me, realizing again that I hold you in My hand tightly and I will not let you go. I hold you in place though the winds seem to try to blow you from the face of the very door you raise your fist to knock upon. I wish that you would risk this. I wish that you would raise your hand to knock, or your voice to cry out when you feel you have none, nothing left to give, not even an empty hand to fill. Why is it that you’re afraid to ask? To really seek? To lean and depend? To knock loudly on the door, knowing with certainty that your knock will be heard and the door will fly open with light streaming into the darkness? Could it be that you are afraid that if you dare to knock, seek, or ask, the door will remain coldly shut, or that once it opens, there won’t be good inside. Perhaps you fear that when you ask with all your heart, you will meet a cold shoulder and a blank stare from My face. Does a Father give his son a stone when he asks for bread? Certainly not. You are afraid that having asked, and searching the depths of Me, that you will come away empty handed. You fear the moment of opening the treasure chest, and finding not gold and shining gems that dazzle your heart and delight your mind, but seeing instead dust and ashes that you must pretend are weighty, precious jewels worth savoring. Dear friend. Could there be any lie more insidious? There are pleasures forever in My right hand. There are “ten thousand charms”. Where I am is delight. Where I dwell, the fragrance of Me brings rest and peace, joy, abundance, tranquility, adventure, contentment…peace. My peace I leave you, My joy I give you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. My hope chest is never emptied. My storehouse is always full. No, I tell you, the earth teems with delight, and My spirit realm delights all the more. Oh amen, it is full. You do not have because you do not ask. And you ask and do not receive because you ask with wrong motives. The things you need and desire and want are ready in disguise or waiting, lined up for their proper appearing. They await you: the things I planted in your heart and have pruned to fulness. In the completion of waiting, in the fruitfulness of time, I send your riches and your adventures when they are ripe. I have not been idly waiting. I am the Mover. I planned good works for you to do before the world was made. I foreknew all of your days, all of your hours, and I planned good for you and not evil. I planned a hope and a future. All is waiting for you to receive if you will dare request and wait in hope. But you must hope. I know your arms ache from searching, digging, through the difficulties of life, looking for hope and certainty. I know your mind hurts from answers to questions you haven’t even asked. I know you feel your knuckles are tired from knocking, but you have only just begun to fight. Please keep asking, please keep saying that you need Me, for you do. Please don’t slump before the door, deciding that I must have gone in the for the night and will not answer your call. Remember the persistent widow? Please don’t give up. Fight for a little while longer. I am coming to save you. Trust My time, and don’t abandon hope. Store it away, for hope in Me does not disappoint…EVER. Linger here a little longer, say your prayers, and say your goodbys to resignation and disillusionment, they are not the warm cloak you thought they were. Fold them away, and stand in the cold if you must, but I will warm you with My own hand. Hear Me invite you: Ask. Seek. Knock. And worship what you find, like the Magi who long sought the Christ child. The longer you seek, the greater the joy in finding.”

Today I’m warmed by the beautiful sun, and the Comforter  who knows what concerns me, speaks, saying,

“Do you think the sun knows what it’s warming? Is it responsible for choosing the direction? Do you think it’s aware of why it’s located on its path in the sky, traversing it’s habitual course day and night? Perhaps I lead you like the sun, guiding you in ways you cannot see and do not feel. Cast all your rays upon every field I take you to. Reserve not a thought for the backward places behind you. Let My Light flow through you onto the fields below you right now, in THIS moment. This is the appointed place, this is why I drew you here. They need your light and your prayers. Don’t doubt that I directed your course. Does the sun doubt it’s path through the sky? No, let your light (your individual, precious, needed, unique light) shine before men in the places I seat you, no matter how scarce your course’s path may seem. Is the sun precarious in its course? Though you feel battered, confused, tossed about, I address each westerly wind that seems to blind you and blow you away off your course. Take comfort, I have set and numbered each of your precious days. They are traced and recorded in My book. What honor. I ask you again, is the sun’s path not set? I let it follow its track and I stand beckoning, watching and waiting, rejoicing as it fulfills all its path holds. I both guide it immediately in each tiny step, and it also runs, of its natural rhythm and intent, the track I laid for it long ago. I wove the desire for and knowledge of the path into its nature (that is also a kind of guidance), just as I wove your path into your very nature, that you would follow it instinctively. If I am so careful to chart the sun’s course, then You, being more precious than many suns, are most certainly guided in your way. TRUST ME to lead you in the track I have laid for you. I know you worry it will fail, that you will fail. I WILL lead you. I will use the direct and immediate: the probing, speaking, affirming, and enticing. I will also guide you with more subtle means: the slow-moving undercurrent, the wooing dance that draws you irresistably, even when it doesn’t seem to be directly from Me. Don’t doubt this dance- go where the holy pull leads you. You need to reach a place where you trust the full measure of grace to unfold. My grace is sufficient for each of your steps, clumsy, unsure, afraid, hesitant though they may be. You’ll learn to dance with ease as the knowledge and awareness of my grace comes to be believed in fuller measure. Then you’ll take livlier, freer steps. Your’e just beginning and it isnt nearly over. It will look less like marching in place and more like beautifully flowing water, as you confidencde in My leadership grows. When a man dances with his bride, the sequence of steps is certain, though he still decides some measure of their place, their time, their order. She assists him in His guidance by making firm contact with her hand in his. Much communication happens in that touch, that hard kiss of hands. “Go left, go right, slow down, speed up, lean in, turn over”, goes the unseen, subtle communication. Wordlessly, he assists her and their dance is one. You and I are one. Press close. Listen and trust the pressure, the rhythm, the steps you know to be part of the dance. The rest, the other parts, will come clear as we dance. Throw your head back and enjoy. Let the mightiness of the mystery unfold.”

Answer me quickly, O LORD; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Psalm 143:7-8 NIV

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.
Psalm 32:8 NIV

The LORD says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. Psalm 32:8 NLT